“Give satan an inch,
and he will be your ruler...”
Yes, indeed! Satan attacks us in very subtle way. Very subtle that we cannot notice it. It is like boogie trap that we can only detect once we stepped on I've been on struggle this past few weeks. Satan attacks me at my weakness. Through God, I am so thankful that I'd been able to resist it. Until today, I'd give in. I embarrass God. It felt that I am not worthy.
Satan attacks me at my weakness. He gave me these thoughts, those dreams, and he even use the things I had loved reading before. At first, I can defy. Until I found myself, bit by bit, enjoying reading those words, Enjoying thinking those thoughts, and enjoying having those dreams. I try to refuse, I tried to escape through prayers but as every moment passed by, the temptations grew stronger. Then this morning, I had a weird dream, very weird that as if it is really happening. I seldom had “that” feeling in a dream. Then when I wake up, there is a bizarre feeling within me. I cannot feel the temptations,”where are they? Did I succeed?” Yes, I guess. That's what I thought.. until before noon, I DID THE CRIME.
Before I do the crime, I prayed to Him. I said that I will not use people to satisfy my immorality. I will just simply do it for health purpose. Then, I did it. I thought, “Is it really me?” , “Does my faith in GOD is only upto that point?” , “AM I WORTHY to be a Christian?” I am ashamed. Really ashamed. I remembered Esau, Jacob's fraternal twin. Esau who gave up his birthright to Jacob is exchange of a meal. Esau who thought more of his immediate need than the long-term advantage of having the birthright. The worse is, what I done is not to fulfill my immediate need, rather it is to fulfill my immediate desire. And the worst, the moment I did the crime, temptation is not there. It is me who get in touch with the temptation.
AFTER THE CRIME:
“Is that all?” , “Is this the thing am I wanting?” , “How filthy am I?” . Then a moment later, I managed to sleep. 4 in the afternoon, I woke up. Took my lunch, get my bible, have my devotion. I thanked Him, I repent, and I am glad that I can still feel His presence. But it seems that the message of my devotion is not relevant in what I am struggling today. Until I surf on the net. It is a routine for me to send bible verses to my text mates via Internet. I ask God to give me a verse that will be of help to those people whom I will send it. And as I search on the net, I found this verse :
“For Christ has already accomplished the purpose for which the law was given. As a result, all who believe in him are made right with God.” ( Romans 10:4).
I thought, “Lord! Those words are for me...”
My Personal Rhema in the preceding verse is, all of us are humans. We are living in flesh, and it is our flesh who desires to sin. Still, we are living within our sinful environment. Our Abba does not expect us to be perfect. “For all have sinned and fall short.” It is not obeying the law that makes us right with God. It is the faith in the Christ. Jesus who gave His life upon that cross. The God who shed His blood for the love of His people. The blood that erases our sins, in the past, in the present, and in the future.
So is it alright for me (us) to sin? A BIG NO! As we sin, we are letting our life be ruled with darkness. Little by little, we are walking farther to God until we find ourselves in complete darkness. Until we found ourselves searching for the light again. Until we find out that its too late. And the light that we are seeing are the light of the fires of hell.
Right until this moment, I am struggling. I know that I am more vulnerable now. It is like Satan digged up a path where he can easily attacks me. My soul is now messed by that sin. Thank God He gave Jesus blood for me to be cleansed. I don't know when will I repeat the same sin again. Maybe next month, next week, tomorrow, or even right after I write this article. Now, all I need is prayers.
God loves us!
He overlaps our sins.
He gives us chances to prosper.
But at any moment, He can take EVERYTHING we have.
REPENT earnestly.
Thank you for reading!
Godbless ^_^
(huwaw ah! Nag english akO! ahaha!)
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